KFE (Kook 4 ever)

Dear Anthony,
I am interested in leaving the valley and surfing some breaks down by you, but i am concerned about localism. I got my car waxed at the point and they peed in my sunroof. I know I know, you are going to say something like" only valley kooks have sunroofs", but they really are nice when your rollin' down the highway signing along to Justin Timberlake. You should try one, I think you would really enjoy the wind whipping through your salt water soaked hair. Anyway, back to my question. Can I pay you to give me some cred? You know like in the movie "can't buy me love". You just act like my bro, and let me hang with you until I get enough cred to surf there alone. Plus you never know, maybe it will work out just like the movie....I doubt we will ride together on a lawnmower, but we could be BFF's!!!!!!!

signed,
With my rag-top down so my hair can blow

Dear fag-top kook,
You're kidding right? Central coast locs do not roll Timberlake style. We are hard as tempered steel kook! We play djembe, we go to rainbow gatherings! You are banned for just asking such a kook question!

P.S. Thanks for asking but I have a group of BFFs! They are a bunch of up and coming Tony's I am mentoring to be just like me! Here's a pic of us hangin' out.

A small side gig

Dear Anthony,

Can you believe how crazy those fires are down in southern cali? I was just visiting a friend in San Diego and was really sorry for every one's loss. While I was there I saw this rad statute they put up and couldn't help but notice the resemblance. Any chance you were the inspiration? Wanna get a sesh sometime?

-starstruck

Dear kookstruck,

Jesus H. Christ you are suck a f*ckin kook! You can have a whole big plate of eat sh*t for all I care. Where are you from the valley? You must be to be such a huge kook. Was that your kook-terra I smashed? Did it burn? I hope it did, just like I hope those kooks homes in southern Cali burn. Stay out of the water kook!

P.S. Funny you saw the resemblance in the statute! Believe it or not it was my sweet style that acted as an inspiration. I claim southern Cali too!

Need some advice

Dear Anthony,
I hear that late fall is a particularly nice time to walk the central coast beaches and look at tide pools. Do you know any nice places?

-PDX starfish lover

Dear PDX starfishkook,
F*ck you kook! If I ever see you or your kook friends on my beaches I will represent with a beating on your azz. You see my tribal tats? You see my mullet? You think I don't represent? You better hope I don't see you stealing views of local's tide pools.

P.S. You might want to look around Yaquina Head Lighthouse, this time of year it can be breathtaking.
-Tony